What A Day

Today is saturday, a day with tuition. I remember this morning was warm, lovely and comfortable in its adolesence. I woke up at 9a.m to have a chinese tuition class and I was teaching by my mom's friend. The teacher was absolutely funny because I was the one who ask question. The funniest is when I was asking her a question, she answered me" I'm asking you now, why do you ask me?" At the moment, I don't know what should I reply and how should I reply the question that she asked. The one thing that I knew was I couldn't tease her, because of my mom. Her teaching was not bad yet chinese. I noticed she had no confident to answer those questions that I asked because of those words she used to answer me. I think this is the main reason.


I came back from tuition centre at 7:30p.m. I had a nice dinner with my family and my mom was the chef. Before that, I already had a dinner with my friends at KFC reastaurant. So, I ate not much in the dinner which was having with my family. After that, I asked a permission from my father for going to Genting with friends in November. At first, he was satisfied whatever I said. When I mentioned 5persons in one room, he looks scary and angry. From the words he used, I knew he was extremely angry but I don't know the reason he angry. I really don't understand why was he angry. These days, I don't even know how should I communicate with my family, especially my parents.


How should I make a choice in love? I knew cs loves me so much and he really knows how to take care of me. Kim told me she prefer cs more than ts and en, she has no worry to let cs takes care of me. But still, I don't think we'll fall in love. I think the main reason comes from me. I was kinda happy to chat with ts in msn just now, I did tell myself he is falling in love with a girl that I know who she is. I feel sorry to cs, even he doesn't know it. It doesn't mean I don't love him, but his ambition is absolutely like a fairy tale story. I don't rely on him. Few months ago, he told me he found a job for filling up his time after spm. But few weeks ago, he told me he cancelled the job because it has no relation with his ambition in the future. I had nothing to say after he told me this.

。。。我很想离开这个家。。。

每个人都说“家”是一个很开心，很温软的地方，但为什么我越大就越不喜欢呢？最近我一直重复地问自己，也曾经很努力地寻找这个答案。最终，我还是找不到它。有时我宁愿去补习，也不愿待在家；宁愿在外面，也不想回家。以前的我很喜欢这个家，但最近的我已经不喜欢了。我甚至觉得待在这个家，很压力，只会悲伤而已。我只是想一个人待在家，但不想跟家人在一起。有时，我也想过如果我从没出世在这个家，那该有多好。如果上天没收了我的生命，也未必不是件好事。

有一天，我因为一些事情而跟父母吵架了。那一天，我们吵得很厉害。同时，我的心也更加封闭了。现在的我只想做一个他们开心就好的玩偶，反正说多了只会吵架而已。这一次的吵架，他们都觉得我就是那个罪毁祸首。或许我是，但他们有没有想过我只是需要一个拥抱而已，却换来了这样的代价。他们知道这是什么感觉吗？最近都在考试，压力很大，难免都会出错啊！难道不行吗？我不是一个没主意的人，只是心很乱，不知道要怎样做决定而已。这样都有错吗？

在这世界的原则还真不公平，父母可以毫无保留的伤害我们，残忍地摧毁我们软弱的心灵。我们却不可以，只要做了，都会被人认为这是不孝的行为。为什么？！难道就只因为他们生育我，养育我们，所以就有这个权利？！如果是这样的话，那我宁远离开他们又或者未曾来过这个世界。面对他们，我只有无奈，悲伤以及一些等等的负面情绪。我不是要很奢侈的要求，只是希望你们可以用心去听，去探索我另一面而已，不行吗？

这一次，我真的累了。。。我已经负担不了那承重的包裹了。。。无奈。。。压力。。。悲伤。。。一切的一切，我都想把他们统统都丢到一边去。累了，真的累了。。。