I hate to talk to my parents recently. The worst is I don't want to talk to them not even a single word. To be honest, they really broke my heart after those stupid fighting. I feel desperate to them and I don't want to face them. I answered their question as short as I can and I feel nothing to say to them. I don't want to tell them about my secret or sadness anymore, cause they will mention it and break my heart when we fight. I think they noticed my weird acting and they asked me the reason, but I don't want to answer it. I seldom have my dinner at night because I am not in mood to have it. What and how should I do? Who can help me, pls? Anyone? HAIZzzz...
Our relationship is getting better now, we chat in msn but at school. Even though I answered "oo", he will also type some sentences. His answer is getting longer and longer. I felt happy for that, but I am worrying about something now. I realised he looks at shuyen sometimes, but I am not sure for that because I always stick with shuyen. I told this to kim, she suggested I should try to walk around him sometimes but I don't dare to do it. I don't knw why I can't face him so far? If he liked shuyen, I think I will be ok for that. HAIZzzz.....
Friday, March 26, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
~~~离别前的饯行~~~
今天跟一大班朋友出去玩，还蛮开心的。其实今天是帮sean饯行，我们去吃buffer，唱K还有在timesquare逛街。大概到了晚上八点，我们才肯回家。他即将移民去澳洲，以后要看到他，真的很难了。我们拍了很多照片，好让我们纪念彼此相处过的时间。虽然我对他的认识不久也不深，但我觉得他是一位值得交的男性朋友。他是我们班(3D)的班长，他很尽责，也很健谈。该玩的时候，他可以玩到很疯狂；该读书时，他比谁都认真。他真的是一位不错的班长，也是一位好朋友。在相处的过程中，我们都相处得还不错。
今天呢。。。我拍了很多照片。我好笑到走到哪儿，拍到哪儿。。。哈哈！无论今天谁有去，我都有拍。今天的出席人数还不错，有主角(sean)，xinjing，vanessa，kuokoon，pohshynn，kahching，looisun，yushin，karmun，shunyee，ginnie，sim，sim's friend(不懂是谁)，samantha，yoongxin还有我。最近都不懂怎样搞得？！第一个好友(amira)转去霹雳，这个更离谱，转去澳洲= ="将多人转，就是不见那些浑蛋转！HAIZZzzz...
我特地去跟sean拍合照，其实是另有目的啦。。。我想放在msn那边，看他会不会吃醋。我觉得应该不会(除非他也喜欢我啦)，但还是想试一试。同时可以让那个死horklick误会我有男朋友了，一举两得^^ 抱歉咯，班长~~~要把你摆上台。只希望不会做到反效果，就好了。昨天我还蛮开心的！我们聊了一下，但还是我主动找他啦。我问他，“不用睡吗？”他就说：“还有东西要做”。我听到时，还蛮心痛的，毕竟他每天都很迟才睡，又常生病。我就说：“噢噢，小心你的身体”他还回我：“你也是。”我当场开心到睡不着，就因为他简单又短略的关心。有时我还觉得自己蛮容易满足的，因为他很容易就可以操控我的情绪了。刚刚我还问他假期过得怎样，他说很闷。我就叫他去找朋友，他说没朋友。我说：“怎么可能，至少你还有lk跟horlick啊。”他就说：“那两个整天都忙着出去的。”那时的我真的很想跟他说，“我可以陪你啊！”但在现实里，我是不可能将说的。HAIZzzzz。。。现在的我只好尽量在假期里陪他咯。我真的很高兴，我跟他有将的进展。现在的我将高兴，不知现在的他是否也是将的心情呢？只希望我们以后的关系，只有有增无减^^
今天呢。。。我拍了很多照片。我好笑到走到哪儿，拍到哪儿。。。哈哈！无论今天谁有去，我都有拍。今天的出席人数还不错，有主角(sean)，xinjing，vanessa，kuokoon，pohshynn，kahching，looisun，yushin，karmun，shunyee，ginnie，sim，sim's friend(不懂是谁)，samantha，yoongxin还有我。最近都不懂怎样搞得？！第一个好友(amira)转去霹雳，这个更离谱，转去澳洲= ="将多人转，就是不见那些浑蛋转！HAIZZzzz...
我特地去跟sean拍合照，其实是另有目的啦。。。我想放在msn那边，看他会不会吃醋。我觉得应该不会(除非他也喜欢我啦)，但还是想试一试。同时可以让那个死horklick误会我有男朋友了，一举两得^^ 抱歉咯，班长~~~要把你摆上台。只希望不会做到反效果，就好了。昨天我还蛮开心的！我们聊了一下，但还是我主动找他啦。我问他，“不用睡吗？”他就说：“还有东西要做”。我听到时，还蛮心痛的，毕竟他每天都很迟才睡，又常生病。我就说：“噢噢，小心你的身体”他还回我：“你也是。”我当场开心到睡不着，就因为他简单又短略的关心。有时我还觉得自己蛮容易满足的，因为他很容易就可以操控我的情绪了。刚刚我还问他假期过得怎样，他说很闷。我就叫他去找朋友，他说没朋友。我说：“怎么可能，至少你还有lk跟horlick啊。”他就说：“那两个整天都忙着出去的。”那时的我真的很想跟他说，“我可以陪你啊！”但在现实里，我是不可能将说的。HAIZzzzz。。。现在的我只好尽量在假期里陪他咯。我真的很高兴，我跟他有将的进展。现在的我将高兴，不知现在的他是否也是将的心情呢？只希望我们以后的关系，只有有增无减^^
Monday, March 15, 2010
Having A Fight Recently
I moved to a new room recently. At the same time, I had a fight with my mom because of that room too. She moved my ex-room's things with herself. She did asked me to clean my things in that room, but I was really tired and I had a lot of homework during the holiday. I knew it was a reason to help myself get out of it but she never knew my feeling when she was scolding me. I always tell her about my sadness at school or some trouble that I don't know how to solve it. When she scolded me, she was using words of abuse and some words that will break my heart.
She keeps moving things into my new room and old room and I disliked it. She is easy to mad recently, is it because of she's going to be older and older in the future? I never knew the answer, she is the only one who knew the answer. I act cool in front of her and I always answer the questions which she asked as short as I can. I know it's not a good habbit but I can't control myself. Sometimes she scold me with the words of abuse, I am ok with that but mention my sadness. She said," you really have some problems with your attitude thats why your classmates hate you!", "don't tell me you trouble or sadness" and "don't tell me who hates you at school or anything". When I heard those words, it broke my heart and I cried sorrowly during these fews night.
I felt desperation and I just cried, I don't know what to do and how should I do. Even though she was mad, she also should not scold me like that. From that moment, I started to not telling her anything about me cause I don't want to get hurt again and again. I haven't settle the problems of ml and lk but my mom broke my heart again. I thought the meaning of "HOME" is to give a person full of warm, safe and happy. Now, what I get in this home?! I just get sad and lonely. There is no any different whether I am at school or at home, I am still getting hurt from them. It's just worse even worse when I tell them my secret or true feeling. I really can't take it anymore in this home. If I had the choice to move out, I think I will...
Yesterday was his birthday but I was not giving him a present, even though a simple wish"happy birthday". I think he won't care cause he knew a lot of beauty females' friends. I asked vanessa helped me said "happy birthday" to him and asked vanessa not to tell him I am the one who asked she to say. The next day, vanessa asked me ,"why don't you wish him yourself?" I don't knw why and I don't knw how to answer her question. Maybe I just don't knw how to talk to him or anything. It's been a long time that we are not talking at school or chat in msn. I don't knw how long and when it will end? I hope the GOD will help us to solve the problem. I am keeping fit because of him and want to get better whatever"inside" or "outside".
TO: Someone That I Missed
>>>>>>>>>HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY<<<<<<<<<
Hope you will keep smiling during all the days and times, keep up the good work in study. Hope you will become more handsome... XD
She keeps moving things into my new room and old room and I disliked it. She is easy to mad recently, is it because of she's going to be older and older in the future? I never knew the answer, she is the only one who knew the answer. I act cool in front of her and I always answer the questions which she asked as short as I can. I know it's not a good habbit but I can't control myself. Sometimes she scold me with the words of abuse, I am ok with that but mention my sadness. She said," you really have some problems with your attitude thats why your classmates hate you!", "don't tell me you trouble or sadness" and "don't tell me who hates you at school or anything". When I heard those words, it broke my heart and I cried sorrowly during these fews night.
I felt desperation and I just cried, I don't know what to do and how should I do. Even though she was mad, she also should not scold me like that. From that moment, I started to not telling her anything about me cause I don't want to get hurt again and again. I haven't settle the problems of ml and lk but my mom broke my heart again. I thought the meaning of "HOME" is to give a person full of warm, safe and happy. Now, what I get in this home?! I just get sad and lonely. There is no any different whether I am at school or at home, I am still getting hurt from them. It's just worse even worse when I tell them my secret or true feeling. I really can't take it anymore in this home. If I had the choice to move out, I think I will...
Yesterday was his birthday but I was not giving him a present, even though a simple wish"happy birthday". I think he won't care cause he knew a lot of beauty females' friends. I asked vanessa helped me said "happy birthday" to him and asked vanessa not to tell him I am the one who asked she to say. The next day, vanessa asked me ,"why don't you wish him yourself?" I don't knw why and I don't knw how to answer her question. Maybe I just don't knw how to talk to him or anything. It's been a long time that we are not talking at school or chat in msn. I don't knw how long and when it will end? I hope the GOD will help us to solve the problem. I am keeping fit because of him and want to get better whatever"inside" or "outside".
TO: Someone That I Missed
Sunday, March 7, 2010
没人会听见的破碎声。。。
我到底要怎样才能不再想ml,lk跟horlick的事？！我的心真的很痛，也很彻底地碎了。为什么每次当我肯相信人时，都有人背叛我？一次又一次的伤害，只会让我把心封闭起来，也让我更想转校了。现在的我不知道要怎样面对他们？ml还邀请我去她的生日会，我不想去，更好笑的是lp问我：“不怕他生气？”。那我很想问回他，当初ml问lk的时候那问题，有没有想过现在的我，心有多痛，多难受。。。因为他们，我几乎每晚都在哭，也不想去学校了。拜托他讲话的时候，可不可以也把脑袋装进去。他到底知不知道，他所谓的无心只会让人受伤？！我没想过他既然会跑去跟sl说：“你的男友在沟我？”他以为他自己开玩笑，没事情，但他有没有在那男生的女友的立场想过这种玩笑会伤害到人？！他到底几时才肯好好地控制他那张嘴巴！
ml跟lk只是干兄妹，但我不明白他们为什么要将对我？！无论开玩笑还是说话的时候，都不经过脑袋的吗？！lk听到horlick跟我讲电话，也就算了，但没必要跟回我讲吧？！还跟我讲他几时，在哪里打给我。当他讲的时候，我真的不想知道，也不知道要把面子往哪里摆？我觉得我很没有隐私，就好像没穿衣一样。难道lk嫌他整天拿horlick来开我玩笑，还不够吗？他是不是很想我跟他反目成仇人，他才甘愿？！如果是的话，我可以成全他。有几次我跟horlick传简讯的内容，lk又跟回我讲。我真的觉得很丢脸啊！！！！
我猜lk应该把很多事情都告诉了他吧？！幸运的是他不像lk将，跟回我说。要不然，我真的会顶不顺。有时我在想，如果他真的是在学校看我的话，我们是否还有说话的机会呢？神啊~~~~请快点给我答案吧
ml跟lk只是干兄妹，但我不明白他们为什么要将对我？！无论开玩笑还是说话的时候，都不经过脑袋的吗？！lk听到horlick跟我讲电话，也就算了，但没必要跟回我讲吧？！还跟我讲他几时，在哪里打给我。当他讲的时候，我真的不想知道，也不知道要把面子往哪里摆？我觉得我很没有隐私，就好像没穿衣一样。难道lk嫌他整天拿horlick来开我玩笑，还不够吗？他是不是很想我跟他反目成仇人，他才甘愿？！如果是的话，我可以成全他。有几次我跟horlick传简讯的内容，lk又跟回我讲。我真的觉得很丢脸啊！！！！
我猜lk应该把很多事情都告诉了他吧？！幸运的是他不像lk将，跟回我说。要不然，我真的会顶不顺。有时我在想，如果他真的是在学校看我的话，我们是否还有说话的机会呢？神啊~~~~请快点给我答案吧
Friday, March 5, 2010
Basketball Training
I feel sad in this week because of some stuff. By the way, I fell down at school on Thursday and my knees was very pain. Today we had a basketball competition to choose 14 persons in our team that may join the basketball competition which is coming soon in April. At the begining, junior versus junior(except kim, peisee and me), I realised most of us improved a lot. Especially yen shan,she really worked hard during the basketball training. I noticed Ling en has a talent of sport, even though she is new, but her skill and speed is good. To be honest, I am quite envy of her talent. I need to work harder from now on, hahaaha~~~
I hate ml, lk and horlick now. I told ml about my secret last year. I thought she can be trusted, but I was wrong. I was feeling suspicious since last year. Why lk guessed he is the person I like without any hesitate?! Finally I knew the answer, it was ml told him. I remember I already told her not to tell anyone. I did ask her, did you tell anyone? She answered no. One day, she asked lk, are you knowing something? lk said, is it about ts and ly? She answered yes. I can't believe she said yes. Luckily I was not at there or else I will slap her or scold her. Today, she invited sy and me go to her house on 4 of April for her birthday party. Our answers are no, but we haven't tell her the answer, in deed.
The next is lk and horlick. Lk asked me something about horlick and he knew when horlick gave me a call? He remembered clearier than me, I don't even remember the day?! He keeps calling me"yenyen", because horlick always call me like that. I hate it and I am quite sure lk saw all those message in horlick's phone. After I knew, I was really angry because of that, but can he doesn't tell to me?! It's felt shy and I felt like I had not privacy. I hate this kind of feeling, I don't understand why ml and lk are same. Both of them were hurting me and it made me cried sadly. I hope I never knew ml, lk and horlick...
Did they knw it's really broke my heart and it made me cried every night. I realised lk is quite good in acting. When I was with kim, he acted like very friendly and passion. When I was alone or with other friends, he acted like he doesn't knw me or anything?! Before that, he was not like that, but I don't care anymore as long as he keeps away from kim.
Luckily, he was absent yesterday. If not, I don't knw what kind of emoction I can give him?! He came to school today. When I was around him, I felt like he was looking at me. I still can't comfirm for that. I wander when I can confirm it?! HAIZZzzzz~~~
I hate ml, lk and horlick now. I told ml about my secret last year. I thought she can be trusted, but I was wrong. I was feeling suspicious since last year. Why lk guessed he is the person I like without any hesitate?! Finally I knew the answer, it was ml told him. I remember I already told her not to tell anyone. I did ask her, did you tell anyone? She answered no. One day, she asked lk, are you knowing something? lk said, is it about ts and ly? She answered yes. I can't believe she said yes. Luckily I was not at there or else I will slap her or scold her. Today, she invited sy and me go to her house on 4 of April for her birthday party. Our answers are no, but we haven't tell her the answer, in deed.
The next is lk and horlick. Lk asked me something about horlick and he knew when horlick gave me a call? He remembered clearier than me, I don't even remember the day?! He keeps calling me"yenyen", because horlick always call me like that. I hate it and I am quite sure lk saw all those message in horlick's phone. After I knew, I was really angry because of that, but can he doesn't tell to me?! It's felt shy and I felt like I had not privacy. I hate this kind of feeling, I don't understand why ml and lk are same. Both of them were hurting me and it made me cried sadly. I hope I never knew ml, lk and horlick...
Did they knw it's really broke my heart and it made me cried every night. I realised lk is quite good in acting. When I was with kim, he acted like very friendly and passion. When I was alone or with other friends, he acted like he doesn't knw me or anything?! Before that, he was not like that, but I don't care anymore as long as he keeps away from kim.
Luckily, he was absent yesterday. If not, I don't knw what kind of emoction I can give him?! He came to school today. When I was around him, I felt like he was looking at me. I still can't comfirm for that. I wander when I can confirm it?! HAIZZzzzz~~~
Monday, March 1, 2010
~~~偷懒日~~~
今天是星期一，我又偷懒，不去学校了。上个星期一是为了拜天公，所以不去学校；没想到这个星期一是因为上云顶，很晚才回到家。我爸怕我上课会睡着，所以就不叫我起来了。虽然听少了一天的课，但我觉得很值得。一来可以休息，二来可以做功课。没上一两天的课，应不会有很多功课吧。刚刚问了looi今天的功课，我觉得还好啦。。。不会很多，也不会很少。
想起昨天的事，就觉得很开心，也很棒！现在回想起来，我跟他们(珊，雯，杰)都很久没见面了。他们三个是姐弟妹，大的那个就有一点弱智，第二的跟我比较熟，第三的小我一岁，但比我还成熟。我们平均每年只见一次面，毕竟他们都住在怡保。当我跟他们在一起时，真的很开心。我又有一个美好的回忆了！哈哈~~~我们也拍了很多照片，真高兴！！！
玩到"碰碰车"时，我还满生气的！有三个外人一直找我来撞，除此之外我还要应付雯跟杰，而且我还要载着珊，她说她不敢驾，那我不是好心载她咯。没想到将倒霉，一直给人撞。珊的体积比较大，然后她坐的时候，又把脚开大。搞到我被撞的时候，脚很痛。玩的时候，雯跟杰发现我脸黑黑，就问我怎么了？！但我没说，毕近在玩着。到最后，我简直就是气到不驾了！让那三个外人撞个够，谁知道他们撞到我们四个连在一起，动不了了。只要我摆一下车子，就可以动了，但我就是偏不动。他们看着我，我又看一下他们，然后就不懒得理他们了。那时的我，还真想说活该！结束时，杰跟雯就问我怎么了？！我就跟他们说了，然后杰就大声说：“谁？在哪里？我帮你报仇！”我心里很高兴，然后就跟他说算了吧。玩的同时，我有跟horlick和文明传简讯。horlick还说我怎么可以一心将多用，我也没想到我也可以将的。嘻嘻。。。除此之外，云顶放的烟花，都好美哦。。。应该很贵吧。。。哈哈！
看烟花的时候，雯还跟我讲，如果跟男朋友看，应该很浪漫吧？！我心里顿时想起了他，我觉得如果真的会发生的话，应该也不错吧。刚刚跟他聊了一下天，但没想到先说"哦"的人，既然是我。老实说，我不是很想去学校，至少可以不用看到他。我很想看他，但是偷偷的看。当他望过来时，我的头又别另一边去了。我不明白为什么我会躲他，但又想跟他聊聊天。我很想知道我们到底会不会有当面说话的一天呢？希望会有这一天的到来吧。。。我跟他的沟通问题到底要怎样，几时才能解决呢？HAIZZzzz......
想起昨天的事，就觉得很开心，也很棒！现在回想起来，我跟他们(珊，雯，杰)都很久没见面了。他们三个是姐弟妹，大的那个就有一点弱智，第二的跟我比较熟，第三的小我一岁，但比我还成熟。我们平均每年只见一次面，毕竟他们都住在怡保。当我跟他们在一起时，真的很开心。我又有一个美好的回忆了！哈哈~~~我们也拍了很多照片，真高兴！！！
玩到"碰碰车"时，我还满生气的！有三个外人一直找我来撞，除此之外我还要应付雯跟杰，而且我还要载着珊，她说她不敢驾，那我不是好心载她咯。没想到将倒霉，一直给人撞。珊的体积比较大，然后她坐的时候，又把脚开大。搞到我被撞的时候，脚很痛。玩的时候，雯跟杰发现我脸黑黑，就问我怎么了？！但我没说，毕近在玩着。到最后，我简直就是气到不驾了！让那三个外人撞个够，谁知道他们撞到我们四个连在一起，动不了了。只要我摆一下车子，就可以动了，但我就是偏不动。他们看着我，我又看一下他们，然后就不懒得理他们了。那时的我，还真想说活该！结束时，杰跟雯就问我怎么了？！我就跟他们说了，然后杰就大声说：“谁？在哪里？我帮你报仇！”我心里很高兴，然后就跟他说算了吧。玩的同时，我有跟horlick和文明传简讯。horlick还说我怎么可以一心将多用，我也没想到我也可以将的。嘻嘻。。。除此之外，云顶放的烟花，都好美哦。。。应该很贵吧。。。哈哈！
看烟花的时候，雯还跟我讲，如果跟男朋友看，应该很浪漫吧？！我心里顿时想起了他，我觉得如果真的会发生的话，应该也不错吧。刚刚跟他聊了一下天，但没想到先说"哦"的人，既然是我。老实说，我不是很想去学校，至少可以不用看到他。我很想看他，但是偷偷的看。当他望过来时，我的头又别另一边去了。我不明白为什么我会躲他，但又想跟他聊聊天。我很想知道我们到底会不会有当面说话的一天呢？希望会有这一天的到来吧。。。我跟他的沟通问题到底要怎样，几时才能解决呢？HAIZZzzz......
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