A Rainy Day

It is raining now and I am typing my blog to make myself feel better. When I am bad in mood, I always type my blog to make me feel better, but I will also share my happiness sometimes. Actually, Jeremy and Sean should come to my house but they can't. Jeremy said he no transpot and I don't knw the reason of Sean. Luckily, my third lp was coming to my house and we played ps2 as always. We had a lot of fun, even though it's a short time. HAIZZZzzz~~~ today's a public holiday, but still I need to go to tuition. It's quite boring for that.

I missed him a lot and I had a dream of him last night. In the dream, we talked to each other and we were laughing while we were talking. Suddenly, I fell asleep and he was looking at me. He touched me forehead while I was sleeping and I slept on his leg. After I woke up, I felt happy and sweet for that dream but I know it wouldn't happened in our reality life... But still thanks for the God gave me a nice, sweet dream. I will appreciate it as my precious.

这段日子里。。。

最近的我都在为家里的事而哭，让我觉得有点不想待在这个家了。虽然自己的潜意识里知道将的想法不好，但我真的控制不了自己。我没想过家里带给我的伤害既然比他还大。前几天我跟我爸大吵一架，吵到我连晚饭都不想去吃。我爸以为我是因为他没经我同意就开我红包而生气，但他一定没想到我是因为他所用的词语而生气吧。那天的我真的感到很失望，也很绝望。我一直压抑着我自己，到底是为了谁？！那时的我在想为什么要把真正的自己给埋没？！我一直很努力把黑暗的自己收起来，但爸所用的词语真的让我很心痛。我在想如果那时有谁给我一个拥抱，我一定会在那个人的怀里哭个够。每次我都好希望在我心情低落时，有个朋友可以给我一个拥抱，但我知道那是不可能会发生的。。。

今天学校举行越野赛跑，还瞒好玩的。虽然有点累啦，但很值得。我对自己今年的表现很失望，简直就是不满意。我的lp跟lg都得到奖牌，但我却落单。我对lg发誓我明年一定要跟他们一起拿到奖牌！我听choo跟dumb说，lg跑回来的时候，她的嘴唇是白的。我听到时，我有点担心。明知道自己。。。干嘛还要这么拼？！虽然很羡慕他们得到奖牌，但还是恭喜你们。明年一定会跟他们一起拿的！顺便一提，我收了一个干弟弟，还瞒高兴的说。但ml吃醋了，现在我都不懂要怎么办才好？！HAIZZZzzz...跟干弟弟和他那些朋友在一起时，我觉得好高兴哦~~~他还请我喝了一杯水^^

我跟lk又不懂怎么了？！我们好久没聊天了，他搞到我好像做了什么对不起他的事将？！我们大概有一个月没聊天了，这次真的破了大记录。通常我们都是有msn或者在学校闹来闹去的，但最近少了他，还真有点闷。现在回想起来，好像是我自从send了那封信息给他后，就变成将了。HAIZZzzz~~~那算不算是我的错呢？！我觉得他好会演戏，在lg面前跟我就好像跟平常没两样，但私底下跟我的时候，他就不理我了。连打招呼都没有，以往都是他主动找我的，但最近都没有了。。。真搞不懂他

今天我也好惊讶哦。他既然有来上课耶！老实说，我心里真的好高兴哦~~~还以为他是来跑的，但原来他是来拍照的。不知道他今天拍得怎样？！真想看，但应该都跟以前一样好看吧？！我觉得今天我又做了一件很白痴的事。在食堂时，我和他都还算在附近。所以我特地跟那些干弟玩得比较亲，看他会不会吃醋？！但。。。那怎么可能啊？！现在回想起来，我哪个举动还蛮天真白痴的= =" 哈哈~~~

Chinese New Year Week

This week  is holiday week, because of chinese new year. So I have a week of holiday and I need to help my mom to clean the house, it's quite tired for that. I watched three chinese new year movie with my family this week. Jay Chou act quite well in this movie"True Legend". I love Jay Chou very much and I support him since I was a little kid. He is longest time that I support an idol among of my favourite idols. I still have three chinese new movie that I want to watch it. I can't wait anymore... hahaha~~~

I hate horlick because of his words. I don't knw whether am I right that I always sms to him, but I just want to be friend with him. Plus, I don't knw what's he thinking?! At first, he made me scared of him because his words and actions it made me felt he likes me. I think lk noticed my feeling and keep telling weihoe doesn't like me, but one day lk told me all the advantages about him. Of course, I asked him to stop cause I really not interested in him. I hate the words that he used, he is quite same with lk. Is it most of the boys are like that?! I told him what kind of boy I like, I thought it will break his heart but he is tougher than I thought. I really hate this kind of realtionship and it's complicated. Who can help me?! Haizzzzz...

I am worrying of one thing now. I read his blog without sign out my blog and I am not sure whether it has the record or not.  When I read his blog, I forgot that I haven't sign out. I am really regret for that. Haizzzz~~~ I msn to him, he didn't reply me at all and I don't knw why?! The conlusion that I get is maybe he read my blog but I hope it won't happen. I don't understand why he doesn't want to reply me?! Is he afraids of me? I really need an answer for that, cause I want to be friend with him. I don't want he same with jl. I don't want to lose a friend again cause I really can't take it anymore. 

放不下，就是放不下

要我不去想念我的眼镜，真的很难，毕竟它给了我这么多宝贵的回忆。有些朋友还说什么旧的不去，新的不来每当我会想起那些回忆时，真的使我很高兴。无论结果变得如何都不重要，最重要的是过程。只要一想到过程，我就觉得结果变得怎样，都无所谓了。我好恨我自己，为什么我会把眼镜弄不见呢？！我明明是很保护他，很疼他，但始终还是不见了。。。

我有做错些什么吗？msn给他都不会回信的。只想问他一些事情，他都不肯回我吗？！我真的越来越不知道要怎样处理了。。。开始有点乱了，谁可以来帮帮我？！

A Sad Day That I Never Had It Before

Today is the last day of school, because chinese new year around the corner already. So, my school is going to have a short vacation to celebrate it. By the way, my school celebrated chinese new year too and zhenen is the speaker. Waooo~~~ it's really made me suprised and I can't believe it's truth. He really changed a lot, but his speaking was not bad and it's funny.

At the same time, I lost my spec and I can't find it. After I noticed, I asked vanessa accompanied me to find it but still I can't find the spec even though I tried harder and harder. I cried in the class, yewkin, karwei and looisun noticed I was crying. At first, I tried to stop but I can't. I really feel sad that my spec lost, I love my spec very much and there was a lot of memory between jl and me. That's the happiest school life and the sweetness love that I never had it before, but now already gone forever and ever.

They asked what happened, vaneesa helped me to answer it. Karwei asked me to calm down and tried to think wherever place I have been, but I already found those place I have been but still I can't find it. I remember this morning I was with kim until we back to our own classes. I cried in the class since a period but the luckiest is a few of my classmates noticed I was crying.       

Few days already that I didn't see him at school. I wander why was he absent? Did he sick or any other reason? I want to know it but I am not the one who suppose to ask. I miss him a lot but he is opposite of me, cause I am not the lucky girl who's he wants to care and love. I msn to him just now but he didn't reply. Do you knw that will break my heart? I lost jl, u and my spec. What am I going to lose next?! I am really afraid of that. Please... I don't want to lose anything again cause it's really breaks my heart deeply. I can't take it anymore for that. 

你的热情与靠近，只会让我陷得更深，更害怕

今天又有补课了。。。闷！今天还真的是蛮惊讶的一天。放学后，上了车，妈就跟我说，今天没跳舞，因为奶奶出事了。我吓了一跳，而且我妈还说可能会中风。我第一次见我爸将驾车，简直就是恐怖！我今天也没去跳舞，毕竟要送我奶奶进医院，还有拜祭我婆婆。前几天还瞒惨的，都在生病，现在还好咯。。。我还蛮希望他会来关心我，虽然心里已经很清楚地明白这是不可能发生的事情。

ml问我，lk是否知道我生病了？！我当然不想给他知道我生病了。毕竟他的靠近只会让我喜欢上他而已。星期四那天，我不知道他到底是故意的还是什么之类的。原本他只把书包放在我附近，结果转眼间他老早就已经把他的书包搬来我隔壁了。你的靠近只会让我感到害怕而已，谁叫你绯闻太多了。你都已经有了一个女友，为什么不好好珍惜呢？！我听人家说有人喜欢你，但我还蛮替这位女生感到悲哀。作为朋友的，只希望他没选错人咯。。。

他还是跟以往一样，没什变。最近他都跟一个女学长一起放学，心里的醋意又来了。明明都说好要放弃他了，但我内心的深处还是放不下他。有时我也搞不清楚自己想要什么和不要什么了。目前为止我们还是一句话都没说过，几乎连眼神交流都没有了。每次都尽量克制自己别注意，但还是失败了。虽然做不成情侣，但还是希望他稍微会注意到我。求求你。。。别把我当透明，就好了。。。难道这样的请求也办不到吗？！

Need To Clean House... Tired But Fun

I need to help my parents to clean the house, but I slept until 1p.m only woke up...haha~~~ Then I had a lunch with my parents. After I cleaned the house, it's feel tired but fun cause I did a lot of exercises. Then we watched the hongkong drama, it's quite funny. We went to supermarket and I bought some snacks too. Of course we had a dinner at outside, but I don't like the dishes. Haizzzz... How picky am I?! haha!!!

I still need to clean my house tomorrow, cause new year coming soon. I am getting more excited, cause I am going to move a new and bigger room. By the way, I need to some ideas to decorate my new room. Tomorrow, I also need to finish those homework that teacher gave us. By the way, tomorrow no school for wilayah students, cause it's a holiday for wilayah only.

I can't see him at school again T^T. Now I only knew he was going to Titiwangsa to take some photo today. Normally I went to jog with my family at Titiwangsa every Sunday. Luckily, we all need to clean house this week so we cancelled the jogging. It's quite lucky for that...hahaha!!! But those photo that he took is  quite nice. He really good in photography and I think he will become a phtographer... hehe~~~