She keeps moving things into my new room and old room and I disliked it. She is easy to mad recently, is it because of she's going to be older and older in the future? I never knew the answer, she is the only one who knew the answer. I act cool in front of her and I always answer the questions which she asked as short as I can. I know it's not a good habbit but I can't control myself. Sometimes she scold me with the words of abuse, I am ok with that but mention my sadness. She said," you really have some problems with your attitude thats why your classmates hate you!", "don't tell me you trouble or sadness" and "don't tell me who hates you at school or anything". When I heard those words, it broke my heart and I cried sorrowly during these fews night.
I felt desperation and I just cried, I don't know what to do and how should I do. Even though she was mad, she also should not scold me like that. From that moment, I started to not telling her anything about me cause I don't want to get hurt again and again. I haven't settle the problems of ml and lk but my mom broke my heart again. I thought the meaning of "HOME" is to give a person full of warm, safe and happy. Now, what I get in this home?! I just get sad and lonely. There is no any different whether I am at school or at home, I am still getting hurt from them. It's just worse even worse when I tell them my secret or true feeling. I really can't take it anymore in this home. If I had the choice to move out, I think I will...
Yesterday was his birthday but I was not giving him a present, even though a simple wish"happy birthday". I think he won't care cause he knew a lot of beauty females' friends. I asked vanessa helped me said "happy birthday" to him and asked vanessa not to tell him I am the one who asked she to say. The next day, vanessa asked me ,"why don't you wish him yourself?" I don't knw why and I don't knw how to answer her question. Maybe I just don't knw how to talk to him or anything. It's been a long time that we are not talking at school or chat in msn. I don't knw how long and when it will end? I hope the GOD will help us to solve the problem. I am keeping fit because of him and want to get better whatever"inside" or "outside".
TO: Someone That I Missed
